Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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