We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
