I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
