Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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