omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
