A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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