I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
