So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
