You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
