I'm really into asian looking animals
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
