I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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