so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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