ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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