Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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