We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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