I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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