I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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