Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i think im in europe. pls send help
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