I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're like the curious george of whores
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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