I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Mom said you looked used
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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