My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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