i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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