dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
