she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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