I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
