a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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