Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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