Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
