I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When did angry sex become our thing?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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