She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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