Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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