I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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