It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
