Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can I color on your dick again?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
