your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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