He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
