I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
