I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
