Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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