After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk is not a location!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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