and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Even my vagina gasped.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
