hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
