I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
