he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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