Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
