it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
