I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
