so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
