the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
