My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
