I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
