you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pray to the hookup gods
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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