My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
