Betty ford says i'm here all night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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