i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
