I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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