Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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