I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
