dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
