Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
