I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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