Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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