you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
