i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
