dude i'm inner monologue high
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
