Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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