i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
