If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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