So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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