Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
