Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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