Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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